Chapter Nine: ‘Who will help me tell my story well?’
Chaplain and professor John Swinton* asks ‘Who will help me tell my story well?
We live in a world of stories that define who we are. But who is going to be present with us when illness, trauma or dementia happens and we can no longer tell our own story? John Swinton suggests a new story that is not determined by issues of loss or truma.
Objective: to learn as a team from actual case studies by discussion and sharing relevant personal experience.
Format:
A. Facilitator distributes a case study for discussion in pairs
B. In your pair, discuss and reflect on the true-to-life encounter between KB and Martin
C. In your pair, describe an encounter where a narrative or a patient or client’s story developed
C. Describe the surprises
D. Practical issues that arise relating to the listening and hearing - the accepting, not judging
E. Is there a Theological theme that emerges or a bible story that comes to mind
Timing: Allow 45 minutes
Reflective Exercise : Case study where a chaplain unexpectedly got drawn into a patient’s story
Case Study
I learnt about Martin at the hospital’s Palliative Multi-disciplinary Team meeting MDT. Some of the team had found him difficult to visit. Grumpy, closed, emaciated - were words I noted. Medically, the aim was to get him strong enough to get home, knowing it was his wish to die at home, probably in the not-too-distant future. Martin was tube-fed on fortified drinks.
When I first visited Martin and introduced myself, the encounter went like this:
‘Hello my name is Kelvin, is it Ok to introduce myself to you…’
Patient: It’s up to you.
KB: Well, I don’t want to push in if it is not OK with you.
Patient: Please yourself, I just want to be left alone, I’m not bothering anyone and no one bothers me.
KB: So, does that mean I should go or can I stay?
Patient: It’s up to you, stay if you like. But I’m telling you now I don’t believe in what you believe in and your religion has nothing to offer me.
KB: That’s OK, I just want to talk with you, maybe get to know you.
In the 45 minutes that followed, Martin told stories of a crazy Bishop who used to confide in him when he was a concierge in a large Grand Met-owned hotel, how he had entertained the Arch Bishop of Canterbury in a dinner party of eight. A meeting that took place in secret and Martin kept that confidence and privacy despite Press and Media interest.
His story was punctuated by spits and coughs every 2 minutes and I fed him 4 sheets of toilet roll to wipe his lips each time he spat.
At one time I dared to steer the conversation in a spiritual direction.
KB: ‘Do you ever think of praying?’ I ventured.
Martin looked upwards and exclaimed, ‘Jesus Christ have you sent him here to ask me questions like that.’
KB: ‘I just wondered if you ever tried it?’ I pondered.
Martin: No I haven’t I don’t believe all that. He spat again and returned to telling me a story about the crazy Bishop who parked his Hire car in Piccadilly Circus because he knew it would be safe there. The police came to the hotel looking for him because the Bishop had forgotten he had a hire car and had caught a cab back to the hotel!
Lunch arrived and I thanked Martin for sharing part of his story with me. I saluted him (literally) and said I would be praying for him because I do believe it makes a difference. Martin just smiled.
Swinton says, ‘Some people are the LEAN IN sort. They lean into your unsolvable problems, show up on your impossible days, and walk with you all the way to the end.’ He asks, ‘How do we become them? How do we create belonging when the people we love experience such uncertainty?’ https://katebowler.com/podcasts/the-art-of-presence/
*John Swinton, FBA, FRSE is a Scottish theologian, academic, and Presbyterian minister. He is the Chair in practical theology and pastoral care at the University of Aberdeen John is founder of the university's Centre for Spirituality, Health and Disability (2023. )He previously worked as a registered nurse and community mental health chaplain and is an honorary professor at Aberdeen’s Centre for Advanced Studies in Nursing.
